What do you allow?

I once heard a story of a new teacher who had been called into her principal's office for a discussion about her class. As the story goes she was told to not expect much out of these kids as she had a few students who were just getting shuffled from class to class to get them out of the school system. Being a new teacher, full of hope and passion, she didn’t think she could do that. Instead, she thought she better figure out which students he was talking about and offer them extra assistance. While the principal stepped out to get coffee, she snuck through the student files and found numbers at the top of each student folder. She was sure that was their IQ and committed them to memory. When it came time to teach these kids, she set the bar very high as these children were all very smart with outstanding IQs and it was her job to bring it out of them. She worked tirelessly that year to mold the minds of these students and they all did an outstanding job. When the year-end came and everyone in her class passed her principal called her into the office again. He commended her on her class and asked, “how’d you do it?” She sheepishly responded, “Well at the beginning of the year I snuck into their files and found their IQs. Knowing that they were capable, I set the bar high for them. And they reached it. They are such a smart group, I’m not sure why there was so much struggle before.” The principal looked at her, puzzled. “Where did you find their IQs?” he asked. Thinking she was in trouble the young teacher bowed her head and repeated, “in their files, in your filing cabinet right there.” The principal got up and grabbed a student file out of the cabinet and asked again, “show me where you found the IQ” When the teacher pointed to the number on the file the Principle began to laugh. Once he’d gained his composure he said, “we don’t test student’s IQs. This is their student number. Every child is issued one when they register to attend school here. It’s a random number and has nothing to do with how smart a child is.”  

Why do I tell you this story? It’s all about expectations and what you allow into your life. You see, these students were expected to do poorly. They were expected to not be able to learn. They were expected to fail. With every teacher before this one, being told to just shuffle them through, the bar that was set for them was never very high. Until this one came in and changed the game. She set the bar higher. She expected more. She demanded they do better. And they did. They rose to the occasion.

The same goes for your life. If you expect the people in your life to treat you poorly, to disrespect you, to put you at the bottom of their priority list; they will. Often, you get into a place of frustration with the people in your life because there is a pattern of you accepting less than you deserve from them. You allow them to treat you this way.

You get to decide how people are going to treat you. You get to decide what you allow into your life. You get to decide who you choose to spend your time with or how you spend your time. Begin to set some expectations for more. Expect more respect from that co-worker. Expect more balance in your relationship with your best friend. Expect more understanding from your partner. It is okay to ask for more. It is okay to set some boundaries and stick to them. Instead of blaming others for how you are treated, change your mindset. I am allowing myself to be treated this way. I am allowing this behavior. I deserve nothing less than the best so something needs to change.

Set that bar high. You deserve to be treated with respect, integrity, and compassion. You will attract exactly what you allow.

May you allow nothing less than love and light into your space.

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