Other People's Choices

Nov 17, 2021
Every now and then when I work with a client, I say something that feels profoundly wise to me. Like an "ah-ha" moment in my own life, that somehow gets to serve that client too. It is one of my favorite things about the work that I do. I get to learn right alongside each of you and that just leads us all to a life filled with more love, joy, and happiness. Here's the statement that I was blessed to share in that session:
Other people's choices may affect you, but they are not about you. 
Ponder on that for a minute. Is there a situation in your life where you've held onto some anger, resentment, or frustration because of someone else's decision? A decision that might have changed some things in your life, but one that was made solely by another individual and didn't have anything to do with you. 
For example, let's say you're running late for work and the person in front of you is driving 3 mph under the speed limit. It is frustrating. It might make you angry. You might resent them for not speeding up so you can make it to work on time. 
This person's driving habits certainly affected you, but they have nothing to do with you. They don't know you're late for work. They're not being facetious and trying to keep you from getting there on time. They are just living their life and in the process, affecting yours. 
Take a minute to think back in your life to a time when someone else's decision caused some resentment in your life. Or maybe some self-confidence challenges. 
Now ask yourself, did that person's decision really have anything to do with you, or did it just affect you? Maybe it was more about being in the wrong place at the right time. Maybe it was more about their priorities not matching yours. Maybe it was more about them being late for work than you being a slow driver... or vice versa. 
So often we blame ourselves for what other people do. If I would have been x, he wouldn't have done z. If I would have said this, she wouldn't have said that. If I would have done that thing, she would have been nicer to me. If I would have been 3 minutes earlier, he wouldn't have made that choice. 
The reality is, it's not about you. I'm sure your younger self heard that a time or two! "Not everything is about you, mind your own business." It is so much easier said than done, but that doesn't mean it's not something we can be working towards. Allow yourself the grace to remember that although you're affected by someone's choices, it is up to them to decide. Your worth is not determined by the decisions of others. You cannot control what other people do or say. You cannot control the choices they make. 
However, you can control how you allow someone else's choices to shape your life. Allow them to make you stronger. Allow them to empower you to be a beacon of light instead of a cloud of darkness. Allow yourself to continue on the bath of Becoming Purely You, no matter what choices anyone else makes. 
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