Is it your burden to bear?

Jan 08, 2020
Purely You Healing
Is it your burden to bear?

I see you out there, thinking your superwoman. Telling yourself you can do it all. You WILL do it all. "No" is not a word in your vocabulary. Of course, neither is sleep, but hey you'll have those 4 dozen cookies to the school bake sale tomorrow. I can pick you out of the crowd, because that used to be me.

We have created a society that prides itself on busyness. We have trapped ourselves in the belief that to be busy is to be successful, that to be busy is where we find our happiness. That by saying no and honoring our time, we are somehow failing. I used to take it ALL on. Do it all. I was tough enough to handle it. I was able to survive. I was strong... and I was miserable. I had given every ounce of myself to please those around me and told myself it was all from a place of service and love. Now, that's not entirely wrong, but what my young self failed to realize is that by never saying no, I was exhausting all my resources. I wasn't getting enough sleep, or eating right or taking time to exercise. I was pushing the limits of my budget. I was mishandling my emotions and coping poorly--did you know that being busy is a form of avoidance? You put off processing a traumatic event or dealing with your loneliness/sadness/grief by staying super busy. That's a conversation for another time though. I was giving up my time, energy, and well-being in such an unhealthy way that I created physical health issues for myself. It wasn't until I learned about managing my burdens that I truly learned, there is more strength in saying no than in saying yes. There is more peace in allowing those in my life to carry their own burdens than for me to carry them for everyone. There is more growth that comes from honoring my time, as it is a priceless resource, than from always being busy. 

One of the easiest ways we overwhelm ourselves is to allow other's struggles to become our own problems. Have you ever been around someone who pours their heart out to you and then walks away feeling light and bubbly while they leave you feeling like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? What happened here was an exchange of energy. They left you with their burdens, and you accepted them; leaving them to walk carefree and you weighted down. A tangible example of this would be your child's school backpack. They leave it sitting at your feet and wait for you to carry it so they can run carefree. Sure, you can do this for them sometimes, but if your hands are already full, what do you do? You make them carry their own bag, because they are capable and need to learn to be responsible for their things. The same theory applies to you and your friends. Your hands are full with the energetic burdens of your own life, you cannot carry theirs too. By doing so, you keep them from having all the pieces to learning their lessons and moving on. You can't expect anyone to solve a problem or learn their lessons with half of the information missing can you? Your best friend's family drama is not your burden. Your spouse's power struggle at work is not your burden. Your mom's most recent battle with her sister about Grandma's estate is not your burden. You can sympathize with the challenges, you can be a sounding board as they walk through these seasons of their lives, but you cannot bear their burdens for them. 

Let's also consider the OLD grief, anger or trauma that you carry around. Have you ever moved and when you begin packing you realize just how much junk you have stored away? Things you don't use or no longer need, things that no longer serve a purpose in your life. Maybe your college text books that you haven't opened in 10 years. Maybe the manual for your DVD player that is now rarely used (hello Disney+). Better yet, those VHS tapes that you can no longer play because you don't have a VCR. Your kid's high chair, even though your baby is 5. You see, all of these things once served a purpose in your life, but no longer do. When we carry old grief or anger, it is the same thing. You have a limited amount of "storage space" for energetic burdens. When you tote around old, useless burdens, you don't have room for the current problems you're working through and that leads to overwhelm. When you carry around the burdens of everyone else, you give up that space too, leading to the same struggles in your life. Be mindful of what you chose to take on and hold onto. Be mindful of what burdens you chose to bear. The way you were treated by your high school boyfriend is no longer a burden you need to bear. The coach who didn't see your potential no longer serves you. The fear you felt as a small child in a broken home is a burden that you can release. Learn your lessons, let them go and move on. And then only take on those burdens that are yours to bear, the weight of the world was never meant to be on your shoulders. 

If you're ready to release your burdens, appointments are available! Book yours today!


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