Lead By Example

There is a quote that says something like, “Preach the gospel every day, and when necessary use words.” I love this as it is a great reminder that actions speak louder than words. Not just in a religious tradition, but in how we show up in the world. There is often some dispute between the way people act and the words they preach. So many tasks are easier said than done. Everyone has great intentions and poor execution. We all WANT things to be different, but very few people do the work to create a different life. There’s never any judgment here, but what a great opportunity for some self-reflection. 

My mom always used to tell me, “do as I say, not as I do” anytime she was going against her own teachings. “Don’t cross your legs like that, it’s bad for your circulation and your hips” “Don’t drink pop, it’s a hard addiction to break” “Don’t stay up too late, you need your sleep.” These things all coming from a woman who crosses her legs all the time, *used* (she has since broken this habit) to drink 44 oz of Pepsi a day, and I swear spends more time awake than asleep- at least that’s how it felt as I was growing up. As I look back on those experiences and as I am exposed to more and more families, what I have learned is that it is difficult to do anything other than to live life the way you were raised. Yes, you are still your own person, but if your family was into camping and hiking, you will likely enjoy those things as an adult. If your family drank wine with dinner, you will likely drink wine with dinner as an adult. If your family solved their discrepancies through family meetings in the living room, you will likely use the same approach with your husband and children. We are all products of our environment after all. 

Now comes the self-reflection part. What kind of environment are you creating for your daughters (and sons)? Is it one where they feel empowered? One where they value a strong work ethic? One where they lead a healthy lifestyle? One where they learn healthy conflict resolution? One where they value and understand the worth of their body, their health, and their future? One where they are humble? One where they can identify their strengths and weaknesses, and know-how that knowledge makes them stronger? 

I grew up in a loving and supportive home, and I want that for my children, for all children. But the older I get, the more I realize that love and support aren’t all I want. I want my children to be able to express themselves. I want to be open and honest, so they will feel comfortable being open and honest. I want to show them how to admit when they are wrong and how to do so with grace. 

I want to raise daughters that are not ashamed of being female. Girls who honor their bodies and know how to work with their cycles instead of against them. I want to raise sons that are able to embrace their emotions and handle them accordingly. Boys and girls who know how and when to use their strength and when to use their minds. 

You can do this too! It starts with how you’re showing up for your children. If you want your daughters to have a positive self-image, you must work on your self-image, and be mindful of how you judge other women. If you want your sons to be emotionally intelligent, you must be emotionally intelligent, and then give them the space to grow and learn. 

You do more than just talk, you show them. You do more than just ask it of them, you show them. You, my dear, lead by example. 

If you struggle to even bring up the conversations and have the talks, these conversation starters might help you! 

If you find you’re struggling with feelings of insecurity and would like to show up stronger for your children, book a session with Purely You Healing. You can find the schedule HERE.