Are you one of those people that replays a conversation over in your mind for days thinking, “oh I should have said THAT instead!” or “what was I thinking when I uttered those words?” To some degree, we all do this. Self-reflection is a part of how we learn to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Maybe it is in that moment of awareness that you realize you could have turned a situation into a teaching moment instead of yelling at your child. Maybe in that reflection, you realize you weren’t very kind and need to apologize. Maybe, you realize that you didn’t hold your boundaries and there’s still work to do in that part of your life. All of these things are okay, as long as you allow yourself to grow through them.
This type of inner dialogue becomes a hindrance when you dwell on the what-ifs and could have beens, instead of ways to improve the next similar encounter. Dwelling on the negative aspect often leads to feelings of mom guilt, frustration, and burnout. It is so easy to fall into those negative thought patterns and beat yourself up over a split-second choice for days, months, or even years to come. The longer we sit in those negative thought patterns, the harder it is to remain at a positive, happy vibration.
When you catch yourself in these negative loops, it’s time to evaluate the whole situation. Not just picking over your own actions, but the actions of all those involved. Some would call this a 500 ft view. Think of an aerial shot of a football stadium versus the view from the sideline. Each perspective has a benefit, but when reviewing most plays, you see that 500 ft overhead view. A broad showing of all the moving pieces and parts required to make the play. Evaluate these situations for yourself the same way. Take a step, or three, back and view the situation from 500 ft. Evaluate all the moving pieces that were involved. Evaluate the steps you took in relation to the steps taken by the others involved. And then do two very important things. 1. Offer yourself some grace and 2. Find the lesson.
Each of these situations ruminates in our minds because there is still more to be learned. It might be obvious, like solving the problem that created the tension in the first place. OR it might be a bit deeper than that. It might be learning how the other parties involved handle stressful situations, how they communicate, or how they love or grieve. It might be learning what kinds of things act as a trigger for you so you can be aware if it comes up again and ideally works to release that.
The important part of all of this is that you don’t judge your past self. You don’t ruminate and beat yourself up. You don’t get to bring any more negative energy to a situation solely because you did the best you could with what you knew or had available to you at that moment. Instead, allow yourself to learn, to grow, to release, and move on as a better version of yourself. One step closer to Purely You and further away from those feelings of guilt.
I’d love to help you out with this, let’s book a call to chat about your opportunity to work with me. You can find my schedule HERE.