Define Your Worth

My husband and I have this great arrangement in our marriage. If I’m working at the hospital, he cooks supper, if I’m not, I cook. I had mentioned this at work one day and one of the ladies told me how lucky I was that he would do that. For a while, I thought she was right, I am pretty lucky, not every husband would cook for his family while his wife worked 12+ hour days. And then I thought… wait a second. Although I have a great husband who is loving a supportive, I’m not "lucky" that he cooks supper 3 times a week. It’s not about luck as much as it is the things we value. We have an understanding of each other’s time and energy… Don’t go all thinking that my husband is more evolved than any other man because truthfully he is not. He calls all my work woo-woo and has never once read a personal development book in his life. However, from day one in our relationship, I knew that my time, my energy, and my financial contribution were all important. So I demanded respect for them. I set the bar on my worth and he rose to it. Just as I rose to his. It’s not about luck, it is about defining your worth, and asking others to meet you there. 

Somewhere in our lives, we begin to make concessions for those we spend time with. “I don’t like when my “friends” talk about me behind my back, but we can stay friends anyway.” “He never calls me or initiates conversation, but we can still date.” “I always pick up her shifts, but she never covers mine. It’s not fair, but I’ll say yes again anyway” Every time you allow these behaviors, you show those you’re with where your values lie. “I value shallow friendships.” “I value one-sided relationships.” “I value your happiness over my own.” And all of a sudden the standard for which you live your life has changed. 

Hits hard, doesn’t it? 

It’s amazing to think that all along you’ve had the power to make those changes. To find your own happiness. To expect more out of your relationships (personal, romantic, work, etc). You have the power to decide what your time, your wisdom, your effort, is worth. You have the power to define the standards that you allow in your life. 

What does that look like for you? Does that mean you decide time with your family is more important than that extra shift? Then it is okay to not pick it up. Does that mean that you decide your effort is just as important as his effort? Then it is okay to ask that he meet you halfway. Does that mean that you decide your cup of warm coffee in the morning is a priority? Then it is okay to set boundaries with your family that quiet time is in place until that cup is gone. 

Stop wishing that people would behave differently, begin to expect it out of them. Demand it from them. 

Define your worth, and don’t offer any discounts.