You Choose

Jun 09, 2021

Let’s have a little real talk today. Real talk, because I am sick and tired of hearing people excuse their poor behavior or their inability to make changes in their life because of something that has happened to them or the people they were born to. 


If you’ve ever heard someone say, “I am this way because…”

Because my mom is this way. 

Because of the trauma I suffered. 

Because of where I lived. 

Because of how I was raised. 

Because of this hurt that I endured. 

Because of my last name, or my nationality, or because I am the baby in the family.

Because I am not a people person. 

Because I am shy. 

Because I am picky. 

I am this way because…


Usually, if I hear this it is not from a sense of pride. It’s not a, “My mama taught me well” type of conversation. It is an excuse for unbecoming behavior. 


I am mean to the new coworkers because I’m just not a people person. 

I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable because of the one time my heart was broken. 

I will never make more than 50K a year because I come from a blue-collar family. 

I drink to relieve stress because my dad drank to relieve stress. 

I handle conflict by shutting down because that is how my family handles it. 

I don’t ask for help because we’re too proud to ask for help. 


You get the idea. 


People are so quick to write off all of these things, that could be considered character flaws because of something that happened once, or because of how they were raised, or because of the people they surround themselves with. Whether they like this part of themselves or not, they certainly feel the need to justify it based on something that once happened in their lives. 


Life experiences are indeed what shape every individual. The difference between someone who suffered a trauma and uses that as an excuse for not maintaining healthy relationships, and the person who suffered a trauma and does maintain healthy relationships is the choice they made. A choice to grow through what they have gone through. A choice to continue to live a life they enjoy instead of one that is burdened by past events. A choice to grow through what they have gone through. It is a journey, it takes time to heal and grow. It is hard. But it is so worth it. 


You get to choose who you are. You get to choose how you show up in the world. You get to choose what this life looks like for you. 


You do not have to be the person that your mother was. 

You do not have to drink every day, because that is what the people you’re surrounded by doing. 

You do not have to be emotionally unavailable, because one time it didn’t end the way you’d hoped. 


You get to decide. You can choose to break the mold. You can choose to do it differently. You can choose to be the person that you are at the very heart of your being. Despite the hurts, you’ve suffered. Despite your last name. Despite the people who have told you otherwise. You decide who you want to be. You decide how you want to show up. 


And then go do it. 

Go live the life you want to live. 

Go be that person. 

Stop letting your past define your future. 

Be the best version of yourself that you can be. 

Live life as Purely You.


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