Help

I need help. 

Can you help me? 

I can’t do it alone. 

This is too much for me. 

How hard is it to say these words out loud? Do you struggle with admitting you need and/or asking for help? 

Do you know why it’s hard to ask? 

In part, the difficulty comes from society priding itself on a “self-reliant” culture. We have been conditioned to believe that we should be able to do it all by ourselves. We have been conditioned to believe that to need help from someone is to prove that you are incapable. 

That leads to us feeling vulnerable. Exposed. Naked. If I have to ask for help, there must be something wrong with me. If I have to ask for help, I am failing. If I have to ask for help, I am not worthy. 

Remember when we talked about growing constantly and how that doesn’t stop when you graduate from school? We are so quick to say the words, “it takes a village to raise a child” and then ignore the village it takes to raise an adult. Yes, I said raise. You never stop growing. You never stop evolving. You always need support and guidance from other people in your life, no matter how old you are. 

As adults, many of us are quick to think, I will help anyone who needs help. If they ask I am there. We drop everything we are doing to help someone else. However, you wouldn’t be caught dead asking for help. Examine that a little bit. Where is your motive for helping others coming from? Is it to feel better about yourself? Is it for the outward appearance of pride? If you can’t help a friend today and expect the same help from her tomorrow, then it is. Read this quote from Brene Brown. 

“When you extract worthiness for helping people, that’s judgment,” Brown says. “When you don’t extract worthiness and you think, ‘I’m just helping you because one day I’m gonna need help’ — that’s connection. That’s vulnerability.”

It is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to need help. It is okay to look for guidance and wisdom from other people. You do not have to go it alone. You do not have to learn by trial and error. You do not have to reinvent the wheel. 

You just have to accept the need to connect with your village. The need to learn from those who are wiser. The need to grow, every day, even if that means you have to be a beginner at something new today. 

Trust the people in your village to support you. Trust that in asking for help, support, and guidance, you are becoming a better version of yourself. You will Become Purely You. 

I’m hosting a virtual talk on self-care strategies this week. If you want to join me, save your seat here!