From the time we are little tikes the question is asked, ‘who do you want to be when you grow up?’ For most people, the answer changes and shifts as they grow, evolve and become young adults. For some folks, the answer changes a few times in adulthood too. There’s nothing wrong with that, there is never any judgment here. As long as the way you spend your life brings you joy and peace.
One of the biggest challenges in life that this causes is the way you identify after having “grown up.” You become your vocation and somehow your worth gets tied to that. While the way you spend your life certainly shapes who you are, that is not the only reason you are on this earth.
When I was young, I said I wanted to be a nurse because I like to help people. That is as true today as it was 20 years ago. The thing is, I do not have to be a nurse to help people. I could be a customer service rep or a bank teller and still be helping people. I...
I'm sorry, I just had to share
Have you ever heard the phrase, "seen and not heard"? In past generations, it was believed that this should be true of women and even of children. Thankfully, this belief system is primarily one of the past. However, old habits die hard… we still see remnants of that teaching in common behaviors today.
One example of this is when we hear someone say, "I'm sorry, I just had to share…"
As in, "I have something on my heart that I'd like to share, but I feel bad about drawing attention to myself."
It is likely not conscious, you might not even realize you’re doing it. But I hear and read some semblance of that phrase far too often.
We apologize for taking up space, for being noticed, and for asking to be heard. We apologize for sharing stories, thoughts, ideas, and opinions. We apologize for something we really are not...
Last week we talked about delegation and how empowering others can help them develop just as much as it can help you relax. Win, win, right?!
But what happens when the frustrations you have are from situations you have little control over? A client of mine recently said, "I just wish people would be nice to each other!" Neither one of us has any control over how others behave, but their behavior impacts us just the same.
Hearing about murders, abuse, assault, death, hate crime, etc can sure put a damper on your day. I watch the news very sparingly for this reason. As an empath, it's hard to hear all the heavy, heartbreaking stories without doing a lot of work to keep my light shining bright. But that same heartbreak is sometimes in our own homes, our workplaces, or communities. You can just turn off the news but you can't avoid life. So what do you do?
First, you change your mindset. It is so easy to think...
Often we look into self-care when feeling exhausted, burnt out, and overwhelmed. But, what if you looked at it from prevention than from recovery? I’ve always been a supporter of routine maintenance over crisis management. In a perfect world, we would make time for self-care every day. If you’re looking for some quick strategies to support your self-care I have a good list of them HERE. There is one thing that isn’t on that list though. A variety of self-care that often is overlooked.
Awareness.
In particular, being aware of your own limits. Knowing your limits in all facets of life is vital for keeping you grounded, organized, and free from burnout. Let’s use this example from my high school days. My nephew was in the class below me and we were both involved in many of the same activities, track being one of them. He was a distance runner. I was a jumper. So when he wanted to “go for a run” his idea was 8+miles at a...
I had an experience the other day that really made me think. It was a prime example of how we as women tear each other down. How instead of encouraging and embracing each other in their power, we work to prevent that in one another. Now, I’d imagine that most of us don’t do it on purpose, but it is something we need to begin to be aware of. I’ll tell you the story...
There I was having a conversation with someone about raising children. The struggles, the successes, the challenges, and all the things that come with guiding a young human in this crazy world. We have had different experiences, as she has her own biological children and no nieces/nephews and at that time I had a bonus daughter, as well as many nieces and nephews. During our conversation, she said something to the effect of, “well you haven’t had children so you don’t really understand.” My knee-jerk reaction is to say, “yeah, you’re right” and give this...
One of the biggest complaints I hear from moms is that they just don’t have time. There is no time for the laundry, the dishes, the floors, the kids, the pets, or the husband, much less time for themselves! Throw in your work responsibilities and now not only is there no time, but there’s also hardly any energy! Constantly feeling like there is not enough time causes a lot of guilt, and maybe even a bit of shame too. The peace that you should feel when you finally get to crawl into bed for the night is overshadowed by the list of things you didn’t get done today. I know how you feel, I’ve been there too. Sometimes I am still there. It would be so easy for me to tell you, “you’re just putting too much on yourself and you need to lighten up”... But I think you’d reach right through this screen and slap me if I did that! Yes, we can hear those words, or similar ones, and agree that that would help, but deep down we know that hearing it...
Last week we discussed the effects stress has on your body and mind. Things you may not even realize, check it out here. There is one more significant part of your life that is affected by stress too. Your menstrual cycle. We’ve all heard of the fight-or-flight response, right? The driving force behind that response is the hormone cortisol. Higher levels of cortisol in the bloodstream reduce reproductive hormones, especially progesterone and estrogen. That affects your whole entire month! Let’s review your cycle before we get too far into this. Please know that hormone fluctuations in the body are an intricate and complex process. What I will do here is provide information from a very high-level view.
So let’s have a little refresher on your cycle. If you are not on any kind of hormonal birth control, you have four distinct hormonal phases throughout the month. These phases make up what we know to be our menstrual cycle. Of course, everyone is aware of...
So often I hear someone tell me, “I don’t have time for that.” Immediately, I know that time is not the problem. Poor time management and maybe a lack of priorities are the problem.
See, we all get the same 24 hours in a day. Most people have a 40-50-hour work week. Most people have homes to clean, groceries to buy, and laundry to do. Among a million other things they’d like to do every day. The issue lies in having to make the decision between doing thing A or thing B. I used to have the same struggle, that is until I got intentional about how I spend my time. Because we ONLY get 24 hours in the day. I can make more money. I can buy more food. I can watch that show later, but I cannot get this moment back. It sounds so cliché, but the truth is time is priceless. No one can make more, no one can stop it, and no one can refund it. When the day came that I finally realized just how precious it is, it became very easy to rearrange my priorities....
The other day, my sweet bonus daughter repeated something that she certainly heard from someone else (apparently “everyone” says it’s true-moms you know how that goes), this was not a thought she had on her own. We know that kids are little sponges and they take in everything from everywhere around them. When they are really young, it's usually that one time you utter a four-letter word that they cling to and you spend the next few weeks praying they don’t repeat it in public. The thing is, that doesn’t end, they continue to latch onto and repeat everything they hear. We are all so influenced by the people around us and the conversations we are surrounded by, no matter your age, but sometimes it hits a little closer to home than others.
In this particular instance, this 8-year-old child told me she was chubby and fat because she couldn’t see her toes when she looked down. Thankfully, she didn’t seem upset about it, just simply...
Are you one of those people that replays a conversation over in your mind for days thinking, “oh I should have said THAT instead!” or “what was I thinking when I uttered those words?” To some degree, we all do this. Self-reflection is a part of how we learn to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Maybe it is in that moment of awareness that you realize you could have turned a situation into a teaching moment instead of yelling at your child. Maybe in that reflection, you realize you weren’t very kind and need to apologize. Maybe, you realize that you didn’t hold your boundaries and there’s still work to do in that part of your life. All of these things are okay, as long as you allow yourself to grow through them.
This type of inner dialogue becomes a hindrance when you dwell on the what-ifs and could have beens, instead of ways to improve the next similar encounter. Dwelling on the negative aspect often leads to feelings...
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